Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
