I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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