So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
