I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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