From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
