it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
