can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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