Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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