just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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