i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
