I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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