Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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