I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
