Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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