You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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