Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
