I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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