i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
