I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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