Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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