my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
