you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
