I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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