Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
