Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
