i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
