At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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