Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
