walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
