you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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