Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
