I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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