Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
