I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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