I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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