i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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