so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
