thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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