There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
