yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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