Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
