i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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