I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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