Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
