Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
