Who wears a wallet chain?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
