you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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