Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
