Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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