The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
