I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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