I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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