Buhtt sex?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
