I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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