Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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