it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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