Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
