i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
