I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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