I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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