his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
