from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
