We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Holy shit dude........stairs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
