I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
