I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
