Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
