I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have post one night stand depression
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
