You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
