I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Boobs are out for the taking
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
