Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
