I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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