before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
