I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
