This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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