i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
