This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
