i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
