You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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