True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
